Bushido: Movie-Novel

This is not a plot summary.

It's highlights.

Ready or not, here I come...
 

Will we ever know???

“Now that I’m awake...”

BuShiDo
The Movie
(based on true story)

Bernardo Gonzolez

Copyright 2007
MindLess Productions
All rights reserved.

Characters:

The DJ (CASSIUS TIMMONS) – an LA Talk Radio DJ
#3 – the DJ’s Radio Co-host
KWAME - another of the DJ’s Radio Co-hosts
POPPA ZEE – A man in Timmon’s old neighborhood who shines shoes
MICHAEL RUPPERT – Former LAPD Narcotics Officer
ERNESTO – A College Student from El Salvador
SALVADOR – A Baseball Player/Coach from El Salvador
PRESIDENT GEORGE CRUSH (Pronounced “Croosh”) – President of the United States
SENATOR JOHN QUERY (of Massachusetts) – former Democratic Presidential Candidate who opposed Crush in the last election
LT. COL. OLIVER NORTH - The President’s #1 man in the NSC during Iran-Contra
FAWN HALL - Oliver North’s Secretary who aided in the destruction of documents
THE PROFESSOR – A College Professor teaching a class on the “Theory and Practice of the Modern Drug Industry”
CASSANDRA TIMMONS – Cassius Jr.’s younger sister, who dies of a heroin overdose at age 16
CHRISTIC INSTITUTE – Attorneys that brought a case against the US Government
WASHINGTON SENATORS BASEBALL TEAM – the Team Salvador works for as a 3rd base coach

OPENING SEQUENCE:

Intro
· Andean Swordsman – Quechua music
· The Opium War – written on screen with scenes from Chinese docks.
· Martin Luther King – A hypertension of words and an anemia of deeds.
· George Bush, Sr.: ”The War on Drugs.”
· stock footage: The aerial bombing of El Salvador during the War on Drugs.
· George McGovern – From book “All the President’s Men” (Chap 4, p.74) get speech or quote on TV “This (Watergate) Investigation is a White Wash…What is involved here is not only the political life of this nation, but the very morality of our leaders at a time when the United States desperately needs to revitalize its moral standards. And that is why I shall pursue this case the length and breadth of this land.” Sunday, Sept. 16th, 1972.

“...Tiny purple fishes 

Important Noticero:
This book is a MOVIE
Not a novel
You have to read into it with
3-d glasses
(come included with you basic package)

INT. means “Interior”

EXT means “OUTSIDE”

i.C.U. meansi CLOSE UPINT. UP

... run laughing through your fingers.”

EXT. - ANDEAN MOUNTAINS - DAY

MUSIC: At first a low pitched Japanese bamboo flute plays in time with a man dressed in traditional clothing but practicing moves with a Japanese Sword; the Japanese flute slowly blends into the Grupo Aymara – Andean traditional Native music, bamboo flutes, bomba drums, music with roots older than recorded history, this particular piece has a deep bass rhythm that advances like waves pounding the shore. It carries with it the force of hundreds and thousands of years of generations moving over the mountains, carving steps in the stone and wearing those steps down just like water carving out a canyon, we move past the swordsman over the mountains to people working in the coca fields swinging machetes to the rhythm of the music, loading the bags of leaves onto trucks, the trucks going to the “distillery”, then to the boats and then the boats heading out to sea, through the Panama Canal, and then on to Miami… this section is like Koyaanisqatsi in feel.

CREDITS ROLL

MUSIC: The sequence continues but the music changes drastically. Now it has radio static and we cut back and forth to sound bytes and then music – bits of speeches from The War on Drugs – crowds cheering – various drug related songs (White Lines, Freddies Dead) This section feels more like Enemy of the State (Will Smith, Gene Hackman)

Part I: Can I Ask the Question?

ESTABLISH SALVADOR “You hit the Plane!”

EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – EL SALVADOR – DAY

A dusty baseball field with a chainlink fence on one side and a barnyard on the other marking left and right field with a broken down tractor right in the middle of center. 15 YR. OLD SALVADOR is at the plate, getting ready for the pitch.

SALVADOR
Dale, ya! (Throw it already!)

A big CARGO PLANE is flying in back of the pitcher as the pitch comes and Salvador tears the cover off the ball, all the KIDS’ heads track the ball as it sails up over them. Close up of the plane’s side as the ball miraculously hits one of the engines.

KID #1
You hitting the Plane! You hitting the Plane!

All the kids run around yelling and screaming “You hitting the Plane!” The planes engines falter in the background as it looks and sounds like the plane might crash, but then it rights itself and heads off screen.

CUT TO:

EXT - WASHINGTON, DC, WHITE HOUSE – NIGHT

CUT TO:

INT - OLIVER NORTH’S OFFICE IN NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL – NIGHT

SUBTITLE: “Lt. Colonel Oliver North’s Office - Washington, D.C. - 1982”

Subtitle: “A DRAMATIZATION” appears in top right corner of screen and stays there throughout all scenes involving Oliver North and Fawn Hall.

MUSIC: Somber and Foreboding Cello music - dark tones

As the camera pans in towards North’s cluttered desk, a map of Central America appears superimposed like an onion skin overhead projection on the screen. It is the map North is studying. He scribbles notes and arrows on the map with a pencil that appear on the onion skin map - numbers, troop movements, cash amounts. Boxed text with arrows appear
on the onion skin map pointing to countries and features: “Columbia”, “Panama”, “Costa Rica” “John Hull’s Ranch”, (the projected map moves North), “El Salvador”, “Ilopango Airport”, “Honduras”, “Nicaragua” (the map enlarges to highlight Nicaragua)”Managua”, “Harbour Entrance” Lines and Circles are drawn on the map: “FDN.” “Calero” “Saudi Arabia - Bandar - $1 million/month”
Numbers from a checking account scroll down the screen, headed by caption “TRANSFER FUNDS”
His eyes grow heavy. He looks over at two pictures on his desk. One - wife and kids at a “Company” picnic. Then he looks at the other - Fawn Hall - his secretary - a close-up. His eyes/the camera zooms in: Blond hair, blue eyes, just a bit of cleavage
Close up shot of his eyes drooping. It’s late, and he’s tired.
Back to photo of Fawn Hall. Camera goes out of focus and back in again. And the music starts - so soft it’s almost imperceptible but unmistakable: The Beach Boys - I Wish They All Could Be California Girls - just the intro - the sing song “Dee-da Dee-da, Dee-da, Dee-da”

PHONE RINGS SHARPLY.

NORTH
Hello? Yes? (sharp tones of nagging on other line) Oh, yeah, honey, no I’m leaving now. Just had to get these numbers together - big day tomorrow. Coffee? No problem.

CUT TO --> SUDDEN CLOSE UP OF HIS LIPS AS HE CONTINUES HIS THOUGHT SAYING:
- Is a kilo enough? (sharp sudden drum roll sound that cuts off instantly)

CUT TO :

MRS. NORTH
What did you just say?

NORTH
(internal voice in head:) “Did I say that?”
I meant a pound (fumbling) a pound - how about some ice cream, too. Does that sound good?

MRS. NORTH
(sarcastically)
Yeah, how about a kilo of ice cream.

NORTH
(forced) Yes. - Yes. - Vanilla sounds good. Look - I - I gotta go. I’ll be home before you know it. Love you, dear –

CUT:

ESTABLISH DJ – Radio station

INT. - RADIO STATION HALL WAY – DAY

Weaving through the crowded hallway, saying a quick “hi” to the people he brushes past, a RADIO DJ heads into the soundproof just as the SPORTSCASTER is finishing up.

SPORTSCASTER
The Lakers will be facing Chicago tonight for the start of a 4 game series. That kicks off at 7:30 tonight, and that’s it in sports (looking over as DJ sits down)

The DJ slides into his chair, slipping his headphones on, while his SIDEKICKS: #3 and KWAME look at him, #3 silently mouthing “Where were you?” They are sitting around an oblong table - oval on one side flat on the other which is placed up against a window looking through to the engineer’s sound booth. There are newspapers, coffee cups, magazines, donuts etc., scattered all around.

SPORTSCASTER (CONT’D)
Cassius, it’s all you.

Page 10
Bernardo Gonzalez

DJ
All right all right, Thank you and good morning. How’s everybody feeling out there?

KWAME
I’m feeling like you late.

DJ
(ignoring him)
Now then if I remember right we always start off the morning with what? (points to engineer who hits promo tape)

RECORDED VOICE
(chorus of kids yelling) “Can I ask a Question?”

DJ
So for all you curious and precocious or just plain nosy folks out there, we back on line waiting on your calls so we can satisfy your unstoppable hunger to know things – no matter how trivial they always are – we are here for you like the Encyclopedia Brittanica.

KWAME
Or is that the Encyclopedia Ebonica?

#3
Or is it just a bunch of gossip folks with nothing better to do in the morning?

DJ
Whatever the weather, and however you like your toast buttered, we are here to let you ask whatever it is you just gotta know and let the people speak – from the controversial to the commonplace – from the gutter to the governator, this is freedom of speech. So get up on the soap-box and speak your piece.

KWAME
All right now, caller, you are on the air.

BuShiDo
11

SPLIT SCREEN APPEARS FROM RT. SIDE TO TAKE UP HALF THE FRAME (THIS IS HOW ALL OF THE CALLERS WILL APPEAR ON SCREEN UNLESS NOTED OTHERWISE):

An ELDERLY BLACK WOMAN with a Sunday Church dress and reading glasses on a string of fake pearls lying on her chest with her hair pinned up in some complicated style speaks from her end of the telephone line.

CALLER # 1 (ELDERLY BLACK WOMAN)
Hello? I got a question for y’all.

DJ
Go ahead.

CALLER #1
I was at my grand-daughter birthday party and they was handing out the cake, and of course my daughter she too lazy to take the time to make real whip cream, cause can’t none of y’all cook no more, and so my question is I’m looking at my little baby girl eating up all this stuff they giving her, and I want to know, What exactly is Kool Whip?

KWAME
(not believing his ears) What is Kool Whip?

CALLER #1
Yeah, cause it been in the fridge for four month, and it ain’t go bad and I’m looking at it going that ain’t natural, so must be some kind of chemical make it stay that way, all bouncy and fluffy and stuff.

DJ
Sodium Caseinate.

#3
What?

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Bernardo Gonzalez

DJ
Sodium Caseinate, that’s what’s in Kool Whip, that’s what’s in all non-dairy creamers.

CALLER #1
Now, what the –

#3
Now where you go pulling that out your hat?

DJ
Cause I read. I read the label, and if I don’t like what I see, I don’t eat it.

CALLER #1
Excuse me, excuse me, but what is that – Sodium Carbonate?

DJ
Dear it’s Sodium Caseinate not Carbonate.

CALLER #1
OK, but what is that?

KWAME
(LH on Kwame)
How do you eat?

DJ
(LH of screen back to DJ)
Two words, my brother: Soul Food.

CALLER #1
EXCUSE ME! I thought this show was called “Can I ask a Question?” Right? So I got a question and y’all too busy yakking away to answer my question.

DJ
I’m sorry, dear. Actually I don’t know what Sodium Caseinate is. So LA you heard the lady, we calling out to all mad scientists

BuShiDo
13

in the city of Angels, we need to know what exactly is Kool Whip, you heard?
We’re sorry darling, we just get carried away some times, but I’m sure we’ll have an answer for you soon enough. Thank you for calling.

(cuts call) (split screen goes away)

Question is asked: Did President Crush sell drugs?

EXT. DUSTY ROADSIDE BAR - TIJUANA, MEXICO – DAY

CUT TO:

INT - SAME BAR - DAY

The WOMAN tending bar slides a beer and a shot of tequila down to a CUSTOMER who places a few crumpled pesos on the bar and leers at her. Cassius Timmons’ show is on the radio over by the window.

CUT TO:

INT - CLOSE UP SHOT OF RADIO - DAY

Camera is focussed in on the old style transistor radio, covered in dust, surrounded by peanut shells and bottle caps. It is crackly with static, but you can definitely hear the DJ’s voice continuing on with his morning’s radio show. All you see is the radio filling the whole screen except for the dirty window pane behind it and maybe a part of a neon sign flickering.

DJ
(on radio speaker)
Well now who do we have next on the line?

PACO “SLOW-POKE” RODRIGUEZ
(in a voice slow as molasses)
Eh-speedy, tell them already, tell them.

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Bernardo Gonzalez

RAMON “SPEEDY” GONZALEZ
(speaking real fast)
Eh! Am I on the radio?! This is Ramon. Is this where you asking all the any kinds of crazy retarded questions?

PACO “SLOW-POKE” RODRIGUEZ
Tell ‘em Speedy, let ‘em know!

CAMERA CUTS TO:

INT. RADIO STATION DJ BOOTH – DAY

DJ
Yessir, you are on the air. What question do you have for us?

CUT TO:

SPLIT SCREEN APPEARS PUSHING IN FROM LEFT HAND SIDE. SPEEDY AND SLOW POKE ARE THERE WITH THEIR FRIENDS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY’RE PART OF A MEXICAN HARLEY GANG, EXCEPT MOST OF THE BIKES ARE “INDIANS” INSTEAD OF HARLEYS

SPEEDY
Yeah, You gonna like this! I gotta good crazy retarded question for you.
(him and Slo-Poke and other bikers bust up laughing)

DJ
OK, OK, go ahead, what is your question?

SPEEDY
(laying on extra thick accent)
I wann to axe, (pausing - more laughing) I wann to axe is you President, and his President-Father before hinm plus both the Mrs. First Ladies of the Daughters of Plymouth Rock and the Boston Tea Party (more shouting and laughing) - Are they like big-time dealers OF NARCOTIC SUBSTANCES?
(room explodes with laughter)

BuShiDo
15

Or WHAT?!!!

(room quiets down for a second)

SLO-POKE
(still all slow and molasses-like)
Yeahhhh, orrr whaad?

WHOLE BIKE GANG
(picks up chorus) (chanting together hopping up and down)
OR WHAT?!!! OR WHAT?!!!

OR WHAT, OR WHAT, OR WHAT???!!!!

SPLIT SCREEN PUSHES DJ OFF THE SCREEN THIS TIME SO YOU CAN SEE A BUNCH OF FAT MEXICAN BIKER DUDES AND WOMEN ALL GATHERED AROUND SPEEDY AND SLO-POKE AT A PAY PHONE IN SOME OTHER MEXICAN ROADSIDE BAR AS THEY LOCK ARMS AND DANCE AROUND SHOUTING:

WHOLE BIKE GANG (CONT’D)
OR WHAT, OR WHAT, OR WHAT?!!!! YEEEEE! HEEEE!!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!! OR WHAT? OR WHAT? OR WHAT, OR WHAT, OR WHAT???!!!! AIYYYYY!!!!!! AIYY - AIYYY- YAIYY!!!!! You told ‘em! Ha haiyyyyy aiyyyy aiyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(more dancing and jumping around)

Split screen pushes back to halfway as:

DJ
HOLD UP!!! HEYY!!!! HEYYYY!!!!

(looks at the ceiling because the bikers have got their momentum up and won’t be interrupted)
Split screen pushes back to full on the bikers.
Beer bottles are flying and crashing into walls, a gun goes off several times in the street, a huge fat Mexican biker dude is plastered up against an even fatter Mexican womans wearing

16
Bernardo Gonzalez

a Viking helmet, 2 other women in leather jackets are dancing flamenco on the bar, the bartender is steady pouring shots of whiskey as he ducks beer bottles.

WHOLE BIKE GANG
OR WHAT?!!!! OR WHAT?!!!!!! OR WHAT, OR WHAT, OR WHAT?!!!!!! WHEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP OF SPEEDY WITH THE TELEPHONE ON HIS EAR, LISTENING AS:

DJ
HEYYYYYYY!!!!!!! HEYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

CUT TO:
INT - ANOTHER, CLASSIER MEXICAN RESTAURANT - DAY

CUSTOMERS ARE CROWDED AROUND THE SPEAKER OF AN EXPENSIVE LOOKING STEREO LISTENING AND LAUGHING AS THE ECHOES OF:

WHOLE BIKE GANG
OR WHAT?!!!!! OR WHAT?!!!!!!! OR WHAT, OR WHAT, OR WHAT?!!!!!!!

mexxed with:

DJ
HEYYYYYY!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

CUT BACK TO:

SPEEDY
(WHISTLES)
HEY EVERYBODY SHUDDUP!!!!! THE GRINGO WANT TO SAY SON-THING~!!!!!! SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!

BuShiDo
17

DJ
Excuse me, what in God’s Name are you talking about?!!!!

SPEEDY
(people are sill talking in background)
Eyyy!!!!! I tole you to SHUT UP, j’OK. I gotta talk now!!!

(people quiet down some)

DJ
Thank you! My God! Now what is this about?

SPEEDY
Sir, we are big-time Tierra Pistas in our country.

SLO-POKE
Speedy, I thought we suppose to be Professors.

SPEEDY
That’s right, amigo, we are professors.

DJ
You’re professors?

SPEEDY
From the university of MaMa Juana, and we are also industrialists on the board of directors of a big company of burning rubber.

DJ
Burning rubber?

SPEEDY
Jess. We burn rubber using sophisticated power transmissions equipment to provide energy for our children in the future all accross our state.

DJ
Where is this again?

18
Bernardo Gonzalez

SPEEDY
MaMa Juana - You may no know it. It is a small place - dark, very wet like a jungle, but very much beloved here in our country.

DJ
(chuckling a bit)
OK, Professors..... and what may I ask are you professors of?

SPEEDY
Natural history and geology - We are studying the history of the dirt.

DJ
The Dirt?

SPEEDY
As you know, sir, the earth and the dirt are the same exact thing. In Spanish it is only one word, so no confusion on this point.

DJ
And you said you were terra - whatsis?

SPEEDY
Tierra - pistas.

KWAME
Therapists?

SPEEDY
Son-thing like that. You gringos have some mental blockages about natural facts that happened in you past lifetimes. We are Tierra-Pistas - we know the real places you travel in you “bananas-republics” adventures on our soil. Real because we travel up and down the pista - the camino real, and we carry you bags to and fron’ the planes - both the tourist plane and the private jet with diplomatic amnesia from insanity.

BuShiDo
19

KWAME
Diplomatic immunity?

SPEEDY
Whatever.

DJ
OK, doctors, why are you calling us?

SPEEDY
Well we have been looking at your choices of who to run our economy next by remote control, and we not liking the selections and scenarios, and we also looking at certain - how you say? - key-lo sections of the underground economy coming accross in the Sealed Navy Envelopes from Afghanistan, and we somewhat no happy.

DJ
Yes and - ?

SPEEDY
And since you Mr. Nice Guy letting anybody get up and ask any kine question you wann.... We have - as fully-have-you-ever-been-experienced Semi-Professional Tierra-Pistas - scientifically formulated a question to open wider the legs of the no so esceptionally esmart President problems matrix

#3
You doing what?!!!!!!

SLO-POKE
We slinging mud at you eh-stupid President, heh-heh...

WHOLE BIKE GANG
More laughing and yelling.

SLO-POKE
EHHHH!!!!!! Shut up already - We talking to the Gringos!

20
Bernardo Gonzalez

#3
And what you doing that for? - Why you slinging mud at our President?

BuShiDo
21

SLO-POKE
Cause he Mex-ing up our economy and pushing a whole lotta brown sugar on our kids.

ROSIE PEREZ LOOKING MEXICAN BIKER
That’s why, pendejo!!!

DJ
And by brown sugar you mean drugs?

SLO-POKE
By Brown Sugar I mean Heroin, papa, Afghanistainian heroin coming back from the war nobody wants!

ROSIE PEREZ LOOKING MEXICAN BIKER
And you trying to make our kids fight the war for you just so they can get Green Cards, asshole!

All the women crowd around “ROSA” slapping her hand and saying, “That’s right!”

SPEEDY
OK, Yess Yess, but remember what we talk about: We got one question specially make for the Gringos to learn about who they is, j’OK?

DJ
Alright, so you got one question you want answered, right? And that one question is?

SPEEDY
Is you President of the United States George W. Crush and his super-Protestant #1 lady - Is they a part of a mafioso type Drug Dealing family that been pushing drugs onto little kids since all the way back to the 1950’s -
(looks over at Slo-Poke, who looks back at him with a HUGE smile spreading over both their faces)

SPEEDY AND SLO-POKE TOGETHER
- OR WHAT?!!!!!!

22
Bernardo Gonzalez

WHOLE BIKE GANG
OR WHAT?!!!!! OR WHAT, OR WHAT, OR WHAT?!!!!!!!!! (chorus picks up again stronger than before) OR WHAT?!!!!! OR WHAT?!!!!! OR WHAT, OR WHAT, OR WHAT?!!!!!!!!

SPEEDY
This telephone gonna self-destruct in just a coupla seconds, j’OK?

DJ
WHAT?!!!!

SLO-POKE
DALE, CABRON!!!!!

WHOLE BIKE GANG
SI!!!! VAYA!!!!! DALE!

SPEEDY
(pulling big silver revolver)
Stan’ back!!!!! (drops receiver) !Toma!!!!! (shoots payphone until coins spill out of coin slot)

SOUND OF DIALTONE

#3
Line’s dead, Cassius.

DJ
All right that’s fine. Good-bye!
(hangs up on call) (to himself:)
Did Crush deal drugs?
What in God’s name do we do with this?

#3
Cassius this a joke, man. Some drunk Mexican dudes, let it go.

CUT TO:

BuShiDo
23

FULL SCREEN: MEXICAN BIKE GANG REVVING UP THEIR BIKES AND PEELING OUT OF THE PARKING LOT.

SPEEDY
VAMONOS, LOCOS, VAMONOS!!!! ARRIBA! ECCCH BA!!! ECCH BA! WAAAA!!!!!!! (voice blends into the sound of loud tailpipes)

CUT TO:

INT RADIO STATION DJ BOOTH – DAY

DJ
Kwame, what you think of this? It’s international territory, and you our international expert.

KWAME
Bwana, me no gwan’ mek fe captain on dishwasher salary!!! You de captain, guide de ship, man, leave Kwame outta dis, man!

DJ
(shaking his head)
Not now, man, ( to #3) Why every time (stabbing air for emphasis) we get something controversial, he got to go into that Patois shit!

#3
(throwing his hands up in exasperation)
Man, he on that African Hot Sauce again! Don’t pay him no mind!

DJ
(looking up at sky)
Where do they come from? That’s all I wanna know is where do these people come from?

KWAME
Bwana wan fe go shark fishing, guide dee boat, man!!! Kwame stay true, na neva jump ship, neva man!!!

DJ
Man, I need some music! Curtis! Man, get me some music!

MUSIC: “CISCO KID” - WAR (INSTRUMENTAL)

Chaos and Information – Looking for Ruppert

Radio Station lines are open.

EXT. – LA STREET SCENES – DAY

It’s morning rush hour in LA and as the DJ takes calls, the camera moves with the beat of the music (“CISCO KID” (INSTRUMENTAL) - WAR) and the streets as we move past people having breakfast, playing dominos, traffic jams, tourist Hollywood, and gang spots where deals are already being made.

CALLER (LITTLE BLACK GIRL)
(split screen on her twirling the phone cord around her finger)
Is it really true that the President sold drugs? My Daddy says it is. He said that the Bloods and the Crips got all their drugs from the President. But I don’t see how he could do all that and still have time to talk on the TV. Do you think he did it?

KWAME IS SHAKING HIS HEAD AND LAUGHING, #3 IS NOT AMUSED - SHAKING HIS HEAD AND MAKING SLASHING MOTIONS OVER HIS THROAT LIKE “CUT THIS”, THE DJ IS JUST LOOKING UP AT THE SKY LIKE “WHY ME?”

DJ
I don’t know, little girl

CALLER (LITTLE BLACK GIRL)
(annoyed)
I thought this was “Can I ask a question?”

DJ
It is, baby, we gon’ do our best, but this isn’t an easy question.

CALLER (LITTLE BLACK GIRL)
Cause why?

DJ
Cause it’s controversial.

#3
Now go on to school where you belong and stop giving me a damn headache!

CALLER # 1 (LITTLE BLACK GIRL)
You ain’t my daddy!

#3
If I was your daddy, I wouldn’t be talking to you about no damn president selling no damn drugs to no damn gangs!!! Kids act like they know every damn thing! (imitating) “My daddy say” - Know what my daddy said? My daddy said shut up and get to school and stop acting so smart!!! Good-Bye!!! (click - dial tone)

DJ
(laughing at #3’s outburst)
Next caller, you on the air, what you got to say?

CALLER #10
(FLO FROM ALICE/MEL’S DINER)
You know, I have listened to your show for years, and generally I like y’all, because you are funny, but this is plain disgusting. You got no right to be talking trash about a man just because he is a public figure. Here you go listening to any dumb-ass who got 25 cents to make a phone call and start spreading all kinds of rumors and lies just so you can make a buck on some sensationalism and that ain’t right. The president is a great man, and this is a great country and y’all should be thankful

26
Bernardo Gonzalez

to all the people who have fought to make this country the greatest country on earth instead of sitting on your backsides making up a bunch of filthy lies cause you ain’t got nothing better to do. It’s a damn shame.

DJ
Lady, I do apologize, but all I can tell you is I don’t pick ‘em, they pick me. Next caller, you’re on the air. Did Crush deal drugs, yes or no?

CUT TO:

PLANES FLYING ALL OVER TEXAS AND MEXICO

MUSIC: BTO – “TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS”

INT. PROFESSOR’S CLASSROOM – DAY

In the background, Bachman Turner Overdrive – “Taking Care of Business” is warming up the background like a freight train picking up steam with shots of planes taking off and landing on dirt airstrips in Costa Rica then taking off to land again on military bases in the US. This time the “classroom” (which changes each time you see him) is an air traffic control tower with radar blipping in the background. The Professor in his white lab coat, carries a clipboard.
Music continues full volume ONLY DURING shots of Cessna and C-130 aircraft that are cut in (with SUBTITLES) between the shots of the Professor speaking to the class. When the professor is talking the music is low volume.

PROFESSOR
OK, so the question we have in front of us is: Is it a War on Drugs or is it a War (pause) on Drugs?

CUT TO:

C-130 taking off -- SUBTITLE: “CALI, COLUMBIA”

PROFESSOR (CONT)
What kind of drugs are they on?

TERESA,
(the cheerleader with a ponytail raises her hand:)
Cocaine?

CUT TO:

C-130 Landing -- SUBTITLE: “JOHN HULL’S RANCH - COSTA RICA”

CUT TO C-130 taking off again with SAME SUBTITLE

PROFESSOR
Very good, Teresa, and what else?

FRANCOIS
(with a heavy French accent)
Heroine?

CUT TO C-130 landing and taking off again

SUBTITLE: “ILOPANGO, EL SALVADOR”

PROFESSOR
Excellent, Francois, exactement.
And Teresa can you tell me why cocaine?

TERESA
Cocaine is a highly concentrated form of the coca leaf over 1000 times as powerful, and it makes the soldier incredibly alert and intense, ready for protracted action in the cockpit that can sometimes last for hours and hours.

PROFESSOR
And are there any negative effects?

TERESA
(in her best Valley Girl accent)
Well, yeah, of course, I mean, later, you know?

CUT TO CESSNA taking off SUBTITLE: “JOHN HULL’S RANCH - COSTA RICA”

PROFESSOR
And Francois, why Heroin for the combat soldier?

FRANCOIS
(intones in a thick French accent)
H’eroine is for to put the soldier calm and to sleep after he has been shot. It has a deep sedative effect, killing ze pain and also creating a man who is almost incapable of complaining about anything. If the soldier comes to disagree with the war being fought, then it is much more manageable to have him angry from a deep sleep, no, instead of a high energy bursting, yes?

PROFESSOR
Yes, Francois, that is true.

CUT TO C-130 Landing in US in an Air Force Base surrounded by military aircraft

SUBTITLE: “UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, UNITED STATES”

VOICE OVER OF AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER:
Roger, you are 5 by 5 cleared for landing.

PILOT’S VOICE
Roger that.

CUT TO:

PROFESSOR
(Turns to a third student)
Yes, Pedro?

PEDRO
What about Crystal Meth, man? Why Crystal Meth?

PROFESSOR
We’re not there yet, Pedro. This is still the 80’s remember?

PEDRO
Oh, yeah, I forgot again, I always want to be ahead of my time, you know?

PROFESSOR
OK, class, study what you have just learned. It’s very important that you understand these concepts when we move on to the Noriega Family and the Crushes connection to them and the Bin Laden Oil Empire.

PEDRO
But professor, this is the 80’s, how do you know all this?

PROFESSOR
I read Mexican newspapers, Pedro.

PEDRO
Mexican newspapers?

PROFESSOR
They know things, Pedro.

PEDRO
They do? Like what things?

CUT TO one more C-130 landing.

MUSIC CRESCENDOS TO A RUSHING SOUND OF A JET ENGINE, THAT CHANGES SUDDENLY TO THE CRACK OF A BASEBALL BAT (MATCH ON ACTION TO SALVADOR YOU HITTING THE PLANE!)

CUT TO:

HASENFUS SHOT DOWN

SUB-TITLE: NICARAGUA OCTOBER 5TH, 1986

A field that looks very similar to the one where Young Salvador hit the home run in the opening scenes. Boys are playing baseball in the background and KID #2 at bat says:

KID #2
Dale, ya! (do it already!)

In the distance, a cargo plane is heard and moves over center field. As all the kids turn to watch it, a kid in military fatigues comes running up. All the kids turn to him and stare. He has a shoulder mounted anti-aircraft bazooka, he lines up the sites and shoots: WHOOSH!
The planes engines start to falter and then smoke starts to pour out of it as parachutes are seen opening.

PLANE CRASHES - LARGE FIREBALL.

KIDS
You hitting the plane! You hitting the plane!
(match on action to Young Salvador’s at bat in first scene)...

....RETURN TO POPPA ZEE AND DJ:

EXT. – SHOE SHINE STAND – EAST LOS ANGELES

POPPA ZEE
Now LA gangs wasn’t really nothing before about 1945 to 50. Even then they wasn’t much. Now drugs was coming in the country way before then. Cocaine was actually something the Germans had got into back before the turn of the century. And it didn’t hit LA til about 1910 or so. Matter of fact, Coca-Cola got its name cause it was made with Cocaine. And they was feeding it to kids without those kids knowing. All they knew was it made them jump around.
Now back then, if you was going to buy a kilo of Coke you couldn’t go to the Mexicans. Mexicans was only into weed, and it was that old school weed. Naw, man, if you wanted Coke and Heroin you was dealing with white people. The French was bringing Heroin over from Viet Nam – they called it French Indochina back then. Or you was dealing with the Italians. Or maybe some of them was dealing with the Germans direct. It was the Germans that made the first Cocaine quiet as kept.
Wasn’t no Mexicans big up in the Organized Crime thing. They was all Italians, or Irish or French or Chinese, and quiet as kept, the English – they was running Opium out of India. The English got as much Organized Crime in them as any of those Italians, trust. Back before they had all the Italians and the Irish gangs, the first gangs was English. That’s how they took over America, cause they was ruthless. And what I told you about them running Opium out of India – that’s true. You can even read it in the history books. See you gotta study crime close up, you want to see who’s running things today. Same family running things turn of the century probably still in the same game today. The Kennedy’s may come off all civilized but they a gangster family. Used to run whiskey and stuff all through the prohibition time. You scratch a Kennedy even now, you gonna see a gangster. They still roll that way. Now, what is that book you got there? (reads) “Co-Cayne Politics” Well that’s two things that do go together. What’s it say?

DJ
That Crush’s family is like an American Mafia. That they running drugs out of Viet Nam and Laos, and Columbia and El Salvador, using the CIA for cover.

POPPA ZEE
Well, shoot, that’s a mouthful.
So, but…. well ….hmmm.
Lemme see if I can make this as simple as possible for you. I mean what states do Crush Family control? Think about it.

DJ
Well, he got Texas, right?

POPPA ZEE
Yep, what else?

DJ
They seem to have a lock on Florida, too, remembering the last 2 elections, right?

POPPA ZEE
Oh yeah, Crush been strong in Florida for a long, long time.

DJ
And he’s from Maine.

POPPA ZEE
Right, but what else, where else has Crush got?

DJ
Where?

POPPA ZEE
Right here. Cal-I-for-NI-ay.

DJ
Oh yeah.

POPPA ZEE

Remember Reagan?

DJ
Yup.

POPPA ZEE
How about Nixon?

DJ
True.

POPPA ZEE
And Crush was head of the CIA when Nixon was president. The Governator’s not exactly a liberal either. Trust me Crush got his hands deep in Cali.

DJ
So?

POPPA ZEE
Young man too lazy. Want other people do all the thinking for ‘em. Can’t add 2 + 2 without a computer or a Ipod with a modem or some shit.

DJ
Look, Poppa Zee, what is your point?

POPPA ZEE
Boy, you slower than molasses on the misty mountain top! What did I just tell you?

DJ
Where Crush Family got its strongholds.

POPPA ZEE
Which is where?

DJ
(slowly)
Texas, right and California, and Florida.

POPPA ZEE
And what’s in Florida?

DJ
Miami. So?

POPPA ZEE
So where do Crush Family control?

DJ
Texas, Cali, and Miami. So?

POPPA ZEE
Boy, where do all the drugs come into this country?!!!

DJ
(finally gets it)
Ohhh,……shiiiiiiit! (exhaling)

POPPA ZEE
(slowly, drawing it out)
Texas,… Miami,… and – Cali.

DJ
(repeating with growing resonance)
Texas, Miami, and Cali.

POPPA ZEE
Sing it with me!

BOTH (DJ AND POPPA ZEE)
Texas, Miami, and Cali! Texas, Miami, and Cali!
Texas, Miami and Cali!

POPPA ZEE
Sing!

BOTH (DJ AND POPPA ZEE)

Texas, Miami, and Cali! Texas, Miami, and Cali!
Texas, Miami and Cali!
(keep going, hopping around like kids who just discovered a new game to play)

KIDS look over – rolling their eyes – not knowing what has gotten into these two.

FADE OUT

(“Where in the hell is Kennebunkport, Texas?”)

CUT TO:

SALVADOR’S DREAM

SALVADOR AND CRUSH DUST IT UP

INT. LOCKER ROOM OF NATIONALS STADIUM - DAY

FAR AWAY SHOT OF SALVADOR AND HIS MANAGER FROM ACROSS THE ROOM. SALVADOR IS WAVING HIS HANDS LIKE "NO WAY!"

MOVE TO 2 SHOT SALVADOR AND MANAGER.

MANAGER
Salvador, what is the problem here?

SALVADOR
I just don' want to go, OK? Please make son' excuses, tell them I am busy or I have a cold or anything like that. OK?

MANAGER
He's the President of the United States for God's Sake!! You don't lie or make excuses. This is a great honor, for crying out loud. You know how many people would kill to be in your shoes?

SALVADOR
(looking manager straight in the eye)
I - Don't - Want - To - Be - There. Please.

MANAGER
(puts on his no bullshit face)
Salvador, you will be out there, and you will greet the President. The owner told me, and I am telling you. I don't have time for this right now. Do you understand - the President is here and I got a million other problems way bigger than your cold feet or whatever the hell this is. Don't be nervous. He puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you and me.

SALVADOR
I am no nervous...

MANAGER
(losing patience)
Whatever it is, Salvador, I just don't have time -

SALVADOR
Then -

MANAGER
Salvador, I got NO time for this - Suit up and get out there, NOW!

SALVADOR
Yessir.....

CUT TO:

EXT - WASHINGTON NATIONALS BASEBALL STADIUM - DAY

AERIAL SHOT OF THE STADIUM, FILLED TO CAPACITY, AND CROWD NOISES.

CUT TO:

SHOT OF PITCHER'S MOUND, PRESIDENT CRUSH ON THE MOUND, TALKING WITH THE MANAGER.

ANNOUNCER #1
The Washington Nationals - a team already plagued by pitching problems - find themselves suddenly a young team looking to rebuild with a new manager. And with us today to throw out the first pitch, President George Crush, a former owner of a baseball club - the Texas Rangers - talking with the owner of the Nationals, getting ready to start off the season for Washington. The President finishing up his conversation, steps to the mound, winds up, and here's the pitch. Not a bad arm. Looked like a strike. Was that a fast ball or a slider, you think?

ANNOUNCER #2
Looked more like a change up from here. We don't have the radar gun set up, but still looks like he has a pretty good arm.

ANNOUNCER #1
And now he's going over to say hello to the coaching staff coming out to greet him... There's Laura Crush waving to the crowd....

And there seems to be some kind of a hold up now - the President taking some time to talk to 3rd base coach Salvador Fuentes, seeming somewhat hesitant -

ANNOUNCER #2
He seems more than just hesitant, he seems like he doesn't - wait a minute -

ANNOUNCER 1
Did he just spit?

ANNOUNCER #2
And the President does not like that one bit. This is getting a little out of hand...

ANNOUNCER 1
A somewhat heated exchange going on - somebody better get in there - the President not at all pleased with Coach Fuentes' attitude - HOLY SHIT!

ANNOUNCER #2
AND HE'S DOWN! HE JUST KNOCKED HIM DOWN! DID YOU SEE THAT?!!! SECURITY IS RUSHING THE FIELD!!! -

ANNOUNCER 1
What the - ? All hell has broken loose on the field! The President is down! Both benches up on the field - Secret Service agents - I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THIS IS CHAOS!!!

ANNOUNCER #2
THEY JUST CLUBBED SOMEBODY! THIS IS A RIOT, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

CUT TO:

INT - STUDIO - SPORTS SHOW - DAY

ANNOUNCER #1
Now what do you make of?

ANNOUNCER #2
What were the stats on this?

ANNOUNCER #1
Well we got quite a few people in the hospital. I mean, can you do that?

ANNOUNCER #2
Obviously, he did..

ANNOUNCER #1
Well, yeah, but what is the penalty for something like that? I mean you're not talking a ten game suspension here.

ANNOUNCER #2
This has got to be handled by the legal system.

ANNOUNCER #1
But what's the charge? Bodyslamming the Commander in Chief?
How did this happen? I mean he knew. He had to know. You don't come from Mexico -

ANNOUNCER #2
- El Salvador

ANNOUNCER #1
- I'm sorry El Salvador - and not know that this means the end of your career - and maybe even deportation. So why throw away your career - not to mention your citizenship - I just don't get it -

CUT TO:

MOTHER AND SISTER
(scared and crying on Local TV:)
Where is he?!!!!

CUT TO:

REPORTER
...and actually at this moment we are not exactly sure where they are detaining Salvador Fuentes, although police have assured us that he is safely in custody at an undisclosed location.

CUT BACK TO FAMILY:

BROTHER
(pushing forward to speak)
Listen, we know that what Salvador did is wrong. He is a very good person, and this is not like him at all. We know he have done wrong. We only wish to explain that he lose his wife and
children to American bombing in El Salvador, and so he stay angry from this, because he love them very much.

CUT TO:

SALVADOR'S MANAGER
(press conference mikes pressed close to his sweating face)
He asked me repeatedly if he could be excused from the ceremony. He asked me not to go. He is not to my knowledge a man given to violence, and I have known him for many years. Apparently there was a situation back in El Salvador - where he was born -

CUT TO:

LEAGUE PRESIDENT
.....the stiffest penalty possible (CUT) the league wants to make it clear that it does not and will NEVER tolerate behavior of this kind -

CUT TO:

TEAMMATE
All I know is he's a good man.

REPORTERS
(shouting questions)

TEAMMATE
I - I - I don't know about all that - He's a good man - that's what I can tell you.

CUT TO:

CRUSH
We - Laura and I - bear no ill will to Coach Fuentays or towards the peoples of El Salvador -

CUT TO:

TV COMMERCIAL - MEN OF THE SQUARE TABLE - IN PROGRESS
The Men of the Square Table sit in session, bottled beer all around, with the old man in the corner waiting - pen poised - to record the deliberations on the important issues of today.

SINBAD
Body slamming the Commander in Chief!!! (winces in fake pain) - What is the ruling on that?

EDDIE GRIFFIN
Was it a full body slam?

GOV. JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA
(clarifying the point)
Double leg take down.

MACHO CAMACHO (BOXER)
Why they stop the fight? He bleeding?

TIM ALLEN (HOME IMPROVEMENT)
The point is (hands waving in the air to find the phrase) - you can't do that!

AL (FROM HOME IMPROVEMENT)
Exactly!!!

CHUCK NORRIS
What if we went around, attacking other presidents, or putting funny stuff in Fidel Castro's cigars?

MACHO CAMACHO (MEXICAN BOXER)
So what?!!! It come with the job! He no shoot hin. He jus' push hin aroun' a leetle. No even too mush. You can't torture hin' for like doin' like that (makes pushing motion with his hands) Is no like Crush make of glass. He no going break in half! Put Salvador in prison, j'OK - Up State, j'OK - but no Guantanamo with no sleep and crazy military police. NO! I don' allow!!!

AL (FROM HOME IMPROVEMENT)
Is Salvador even a US citizen?

MACHO CAMACHO
How can he play baseball for 20 years, and be a coach, an' all a that, and no be a citizen?

YAO (FROM THE NBA)
(only man at the table with a Sake bottle in front of him)
He must to be full citizen for that if he complete so long time in country.

TIM ALLEN
Yeah, but how many generations are we talking here?

MACHO CAMACHO
How many generation? How about 400 generation before Colombo coming to Mexico stinking of bad breath?

AL (FROM HOME IMPROVEMENT)
Peter Falk?

EDDIE GRIFFIN
(sounding drunk)
He’s a citizen!!! I say 30 days and a order of protection!

CHUCK NORRIS
An order of protection?!!!

EDDIE GRIFFIN
An order of protection: Salvador can’ t come within 500 feet of the President.

CHUCK NORRIS
You mean a thousand yards!

EDDIE GRIFFIN
A thousand yards?!!! You tryin’ ta make this some kind a “Day of the Jackal” Terrorist Incident. This ain’t the Last Boyscout!
- He wasn’t creeping around in a flak jacket! - (jabbing in the air with his hand for emphasis) He spit on the ground to let the man know what was up!!! Crush caught a attitude, and he popped him. One time. Didn’t even punch the man once! Where’s the beef?

CHUCK NORRIS (sarcastic)
All right you tell me what this is then.

EDDIE GRIFFIN
To me it looks like Domestic Violence... (grinning)

CHUCK NORRIS
You’re not funny and I’m not buying. Burt?

BURT REYNOLDS
(rubbing his chin, looking straight at Chuck Norris)
Looks like a bar fight to me.

MACHO CAMACHO
E’ sactly!!!

CHUCK NORRIS
He was in the Salvadoran military for Christ’s Sake!

GOV. JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA
Yeah, but he was fighting on our side. I’ve seen this before.

MACHO CAMACHO
Yeah, he was working for you government!

EDDIE GRIFFIN
30 days and mandatory AA Meetings for a year, maybe some of that PTSD massage therabee they got over at the VA...

CHUCK NORRIS
(staring at Eddie Griffin like he might smack him)
How much do you weigh?

EDDIE GRIFFIN
It’s not how much I weigh, Grasshopper, it’s how much my manager weighs (puts on “Tony Montana” accent)
j’OK, my frien’?

GOV. JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA
(speaking to Burt Reynolds)
I can’t accept that.

BURT REYNOLDS
(back to Jesse)
What do you think?

GOV. JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA
3 years - minimum security - but 3 years. He lost his head. Every soldier knows rule #1. He’s retired, but - officially - you can’t condone striking an officer - no matter how stupid -

AL (FROM HOME IMPROVEMENT)
Exactly!!!

CHUCK NORRIS
(like a counter offer)
5 years. 3 with good behavior.

BURT REYNOLDS
But no Guantanamo?

EDDIE GRIFFIN
Hells no!!!!

MACHO CAMACHO
E’ sactly!!!!

GOV. JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA
Man Law?

EVERYBODY
Man Law.

CUT TO:

EXT - UNIVERSITY OF GUADALAJARA, MEXICO - DAY

At the beginning of the scene, the same Andean Swordsman from the titles walks by carrying his samurai sword.

ERNESTO
“Who's that?”

MANA 2
That's Chuchi.

ERNESTO
Why does he carry that big sword around?

MANA 2
Some people say that the pen is mightier than the sword, but Chuchi don't believe that way.

CUT TO:

INT - TV STUDIO FOR “JEOPARDY 2112”

ALEX TREBEC is shot so full of Botox that he looks like Tom Jones about to explode in a outer space vacuum air lock, but it almost looks like at the same time he might have lost a little weight - PILATES? - you decide. The 3 contestants - Maya Angelou, the Ghost of Crazy Horse, and Tommy Chong are lined up ready for the next question.

ALEX TREBEC
All right, we are back and ready for round 2. Our categories are: “Juris Imprudence”, “Shake and Bake”, “Tiny Bubbles”, “Pie Alamo”, “Little Big Foot” and “Men and Their Flying Machines”, and we turn to you Crazy Horse since I believe you won the last round.

GHOST OF CRAZY HORSE
Really? OK. Pie Alamo for three hundred, Jack.

ALEX TREBEC
And the answer is:
“This song - made famous by Camper Van Beethoven - was about a delicious dessert native to Southern Florida.”

ALL THREE
(look at eachother, shrug their shoulders)
(wrong Answer Buzzer goes off)

ALEX TREBEC
“What is Key Lime Pie?” Crazy Horse, back to you.

GHOST OF CRAZY HORSE
Men and their flying machines for 500, Jack.

ALEX TREBEC
And the answer is: “This President resigned in disgrace when it was discovered that his Arbusto Energy Company’s alternative energy program was actually fueled by Crack Cocaine.”

GHOST OF CRAZY HORSE
All of them, Jack. Every last stinking one.
(wrong answer buzzer goes off)

ALEX TREBEC
I’m sorry that’s not the answer we were looking for.

MAYA ANGELOU
(buzzes buzzer)
I have a poem entitled “The Pusher” that may be appropriate.

ALEX TREBEC
There may be time during our next commercial break, dear.

TOMMY CHONG
(buzzes buzzer) (his voice all hung over and gravelly)
I know this. Ummm. The guy with the letter. Wait - Orange Juice Crush - No, wait, I mean George Crush (he pronounces it like “Crush”)

ALEX TREBEC
Let me check with the judges on that - I’m sorry - they’re not allowing it. The correct pronunciation is “CROOSH” It’s George Croosh, not Crush. I’m sorry - but good try.

TOMMY CHONG
Thank you, Alex

GHOST OF CRAZY HORSE
I thought he was Jack…

Bushido The Movie
all rights reserved

Other books you want to read if you want to know:

El Senyor Presidente by Miguel “Mike” Asturias

Cocaine Politics by Peter Dale Scott

The Politics of Heroin by Alfred W. McCoy

Dark Alliance by Gary Webb

The Black Jacobins (Toussaint and Boukman and a place called Cannes Brulees) by Jack “Creole” Carney

Mexican Newspapers – Google it, pendejo, or even go to a library already so you can be more anonymous and clandestino like Manu Chau and shit… bODEGAS gOT ‘eM 2, ...but don’t use your card, or the Man will know, and it will go on your permanent record that you speak a subversive language (Mexican). (The King wants to play...)

Life and Times of Earl “The Goat” Manigault
by Various Artists/United Artists moving PICTURES

Bird – The Making of An American Sports Legend by Lee Daniel Levine.

The Sniper by Liam O’Flaherty

Los de Abajo (The Under-Dogs) by Mariano Azuela

The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

Monkey - Folk Novel of China by Wu Ch’eng-En

Big Daddy Kane by Kool DJ The Red Alert Y’all

About the Author
Bernardo Gonzolez migrates
If you give him a dollar, he’ll tell you a story
Kind of like Dr. Doolittle.
If you give him a few dollars, and he likes you,
he’ll fix your plumbing.
Kind of like Robert DeNiro in Brazil.
He can dance to Indonesian mystical music,
and can to make a pretty good fountain.
(try it some time)
If he gives you his word, he makes good on it.

For reviewers, publishers and editors,  who want to look at the book.

These are sample chapters to give you an idea of the writing style.